MacGuffin (n.) 1. In a film, a plot device whose sole purpose is to set the action in motion, such as a suitcase with unknown contents. Often, the MacGuffin turns out to be a decoy, causing men to make fools of themselves in pursuit of futile ends. Word origin: Coined by Alfred Hitchcock, 1939.
The MacGuffins Base Ball Club is one of six teams in the Pit Strat-o-Matic Baseball League, based in Cooperstown, New York. Life the MacGuffin of film lore, the members of the MacGuffins Base Ball Club hail from the land of deserted roadside motels, treacherous men with British accents, and icy-cold platinum blondes. Like their silver screen brethren, it is a fool's errand to chase these MacGuffins. Any attempt to catch up with them, in the standings or elsewhere, will inevitably prove futile.
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March 25, 2002
Thanks to a couple of stellar relief pitching performances, the MacGuffins took 2 of 3 games on Monday night to extend their lead in the Pit League standings to 1.5 games. The highlight of the first game against the Boone Dawgs was a steal of home by Honus Wagner. However, the MacGuffins blew the game in the 10th when manager Eric Enders made a critical strategic blunder. Ron LeFlore pinch-ran for Jason Giambi in the top of the 10th, but the manager forgot to put in a replacement at first in the bottom of the inning, resulting in an error by LeFlore that eventually decided the game. Ron Guidry pitched a valiant nine and two-thirds innings in the complete game loss.
In Game 2 the Macs struck back, defeating the Dawgs 7-1 thanks to six innings of one-hit relief by winning pitcher Butch Henry. A key error by the Boones' newly acquired center fielder, Ty Cobb, led to a three-run double by Shoeless Joe Jackson in the first inning, and the Macs led the rest of the way. The Dawgs were plagued by wildness, as starting pitcher Randy Johnson walked 7 batters in 2.3 innings.
The MacGuffins emerged with an easy 10-4 win in the last game of the evening against the second-place Mount Vision Marvels. Although the vaunted Mount Vision offense scored three runs in the first off Pete Alexander, the Marvels' pitiful defense led to their downfall. Lou Gehrig, as immobile as the Washington Monument at first base, allowed one hit and committed two errors, while left fielder Ted Williams -- who was apparently busy practicing his swing in the outfield -- turned a routine fly ball into a three-run, inside-the-park homer for Honus Wagner. That, combined with seven innings of shutout relief by winning pitcher Pol Perritt, was more than enough to lead the Macs to victory.
MacGuffin Notes: The MacGuffins have not allowed more than 7 runs in a game this year .... The Macs have stolen 70 bases this season, while their opponents have stolen only seven .... Immediately after Monday's dismal pitching performance, the MacGuffins traded Pete Alexander to the Spongeworthy Clowns for Bob Gibson .... Alexander finishes his MacGuffin career with a 3-2 record and 7.76 ERA .... In 53 innings of work this season, the MacGuffin bullpen has a 6-1 record with a 1.70 ERA .... Pedro Martinez, winless in six starts this season, will start the Macs' next game.
February 21, 2002
The MacGuffins sent the Boone Dawgs back to the pound with their tails between their legs on Thursday night, taking two games of a three-game set. The first two games would have been pitcher's duels, except the Dawgs pitchers decided not to participate. In Game 1, Sandy Koufax got tagged for six runs, as Tris Speaker collected three hits for the MacGuffins. That was plenty for Johnny Antonelli, who pitched his second straight complete game as the MacGuffins prevailed 6-1.
The Boone Dawgs fared little better in Game 2, as the MacGuffins exploded for 10 runs, most of them against starting pitcher Tom Seaver. Honus Wagner collected three hits and Mickey Mantle contributed a homer, a single, and a walk in the 10-1 MacGuffin victory. But the game's outstanding performer was Jackie Robinson, who had two singles, two walks, three runs scored, and two stolen bases, including a daring steal of home in the seventh inning. Pete Alexander was the winner for the MacGuffins, pitching a complete game five-hitter.
To their credit, the gutsy Boone Dawgs never gave up in Game 3, which turned out to be the most exciting game of the series, and one of the most exciting of the season. Down 6-5 with two outs in the bottom of the 10th, the Dawgs sent Barry Bonds up to the plate to face Pol Perritt. An out by Bonds would have given the MacGuffins a series sweep and sole possession of first place in the Pit League standings. But Bonds, despite his reputation as a choker, came through with a walk-off 2-run homer to win the game for the Dawgs. The dramatic homer came after the Macs had taken the lead in the top of the 10th on Mickey Mantle's second homer of the series. The game also saw an injury to leading MVP candidate Ivan Rodriguez, who contributed two doubles, a homer, and 5 RBI before hurting himself while grounding into a double play. But reliable Steve O'Neill, filling in at catcher for Rodriguez, homered on his first swing of the 2002 season. (His previous four plate appearances had all been bunt attempts.)
In other Pit League action, every team except the Spongeworthy Clowns was in action on Thursday night. But I'll let them tell you about that.
February 18, 2002
The MacGuffins crept over the .500 mark on Monday as they swept a hard-fought doubleheader from the boys from Brew City. The games were two of the closest and most exciting of the year, as Cream City catcher Ted Simmons made the last out of both games, with the tying run in scoring position each time.
Game 1 was tied 2-2 entering the ninth inning before the MacGuffins took the lead on a squeeze bunt by Tris Speaker. Closer Trevor Hoffman was unable to hold the lead, however, and the Creamers scored the tying run on a passed ball by Ivan Rodriguez, sending the game into extra innings. In the tenth, the MacGuffins again scored the go-ahead run on a squeeze bunt, this time by pinch-hitter Steve O'Neill, and later added an insurance run. But the Citys still refused to give up, scoring one run and placing the tying run on third in the bottom of the 10th. The runnner never got further than that, though, as Simmons grounded out to end the game.
In Game 2, Jeff Bagwell's two homers gave the MacGuffins a commanding lead, and Ron Guidry cruised through the first eight innings. However, he was unable to finish off Milwaukee in the ninth, giving up two runs before exiting the game with the bases loaded. With two outs, the bases full, and the Macs ahead 7-4, Cream City slugger Joe DiMaggio strode to the plate. The MacGuffins then made their most controversial move of the season thus far, as they decided to intentionally walk DiMaggio with the bases loaded. The move made the score 7-5 and placed the winning run on base. It paid off, however, as for the second game in a row, Steve Howe induced a game-ending groundout by Ted Simmons.
The star of the doubleheader for the MacGuffins was the beleaguered Jackie Robinson, who overcame the hoots and catcalls of the hostile Milwaukee crowd and broke out of his season-long slump. Robinson went 6-for-7 in the doubleheader with two walks and three stolen bases. The MacGuffins stole eleven bases in the two games against Ted Simmons. That, along with his crucial game-ending outs, appears to have made Simmons a leading contender for Pit League LVP (Least Valuable Player).
February 14, 2002
The MacGuffins crept closer to the .500 mark on Thursday as they won two games of a three-game set, handing the much-heralded Spongeworthy Clowns their first two losses of the season. The first game saw Ron Guidry cruise through eight innings before the scrappy Clowns rallied for four runs with two outs in the bottom of the 9th. Steve Howe came in from the bullpen to shut the door, preserving a 6-5 MacGuffin victory at the Polo Grounds. Oh, and Pudge Rodriguez also homered.
The Spongeworthy Clowns lived up to their name in Game 2, losing an embarrassing 11-0 decision to the MacGuffins at Forbes Field. Winning pitcher Johnny Antonelli, despite an obvious lack of support from his manager, pitched a complete game shutout and also homered for the game's first run. Versatile Jason Giambi, filling in at shortstop for the injured Honus Wagner, scored two runs, collected two hits, and handled six chances perfectly in the field. Every MacGuffin got at least one hit in the game, with the lone exception of horseshit batter Jackie Robinson, who is now hitting .135 and is in danger of receiving his unconditional release from the MacGuffin management. Oh, and Pudge Rodriguez also homered.
The hapless Clowns finally managed to put on their noses straight in the third game of the series, capturing the contest by a score of 7-4. Pete Alexander, having a horrible season for the MacGuffins, was throttled for six runs in four-plus innings, as Brady Anderson collected three hits for the victors. Clowns starter Nolan Ryan, visibly upset at having to pitch for a team called the Clowns, struggled through five innings, but stellar relief pitching by three Spongeworthy men proved to be the difference. Oh, and Pudge Rodriguez also homered. Twice.
With his four homers in the three-game series, Ivan Rodriguez emerged as the clear frontrunner for Pit League MVP. In addition to his outstanding defense at catcher, he leads all Pit League batters with 7 home runs and 15 RBI. He is batting .354 with an .854 slugging percentage, and has been so rock-solid behind the plate that backup catcher Steve O'Neill remains the only MacGuffin position player without an at-bat this season.
February 11, 2002
On Monday the weary MacGuffins emerged with a split after playing a doubleheader with the Mobile Cottonmouths. Lefty Grove pitched a masterpiece for the Bad Guys in the opener, tossing a complete game, five-hit shutout at Coors Field. The loss went to Butch "I attended the same high school as Eric Enders" Henry, who matched zeroes with Grove for several innings before eventually surrendering four runs. The star of the game for Mobile was Roy Campanella, who jacked two homers in the thin mountain air. Campy also neutralized the Macguffins' running game. After the Macs stole a record 18 bases in last week's doubleheader against Mount Vision, Campanella held them to 0-for-2 in the two-game set.
In the second half of the twinbill, the MacGuffins roared back to claim a dramatic 6-5 victory. Pedro Martinez once again proved human, turning in a no-decision as the Cottonmouths scored three earned runs off him in seven innings. Jackie Robinson raised his batting average to .138 after homering in the fourth inning and singling to start the crucial rally in the ninth. With two outs in the bottom of the ninth, Tris Speaker smacked a long drive over Ken Griffey's head in center field, scoring Robinson to win the game. Although the walk-off hit was officially ruled a double, Speaker clearly would have reached third on the play. The winning pitcher in relief was Pol Perritt (1-0), who, since I know you were wondering, bears no relation to the ex-Cambodian president and war criminal Pol Pot. (Perritt is, however, the only MacGuffin to ever be convicted of a homicide.)
In other league action, the Spongeworthy Clowns continued their strategy of trying to win the pennant by not playing any more games the rest of the season. Clowns manager Rob Pendell appears to be counting on the rest of the teams finishing at exactly .500, in which case, with a record of 2-0, he would win the pennant by one full game.
February 7, 2002
In doubleheader action Thursday night, the MacGuffins split a doubleheader with the Mount Vision Marvels. The first game was all Marvels, as the Francis juggernaut pounced on Johnny Antonelli for 8 earned runs, eventually winning 9-5. Every Marvels starter, including winning pitcher Greg Maddux, had at least one hit to lead a balanced attack.
However, the MacGuffins bounced back in the nightcap, beating Mount Vision by the same 9-5 score. The Macs ran wild on Mike Piazza, burning the Jell-O armed catcher for 11 steals in the game (and 18 in the doubleheader). Shoeless Joe Jackson continued to batter Pit League pitching, going 3-for-4 with 3 RBI and 2 steals. But the real star was Tris Speaker, who reached base in all 5 of his plate appearances, stole 4 bases, and scored 2 runs. Speaker has emerged as the frontrunner for Pit League MVP, as he is now batting .444 on the season with a .667 slugging percentage and eight steals.
January 28, 2002
In league action on Monday night, the Boone Dawgs and MacGuffins squared off in a doubleheader. The first game was won by the MacGuffins, who were down 5-1 in the eighth inning before mounting an amazing comeback against Tom Seaver. Mickey Mantle, Honus Wagner, and Pudge Rodriguez all homered in the fateful 8th, before a double by relief pitcher Mike Jackson finally chased Seaver from the game.
In the nightcap, the Dawgs emerged victorious as Randy Johnson and three relievers handcuffed the MacGuffin offense, holding them to just four hits. A homer by George Brett and a clutch double by Barry Larkin sealed the deal. The MacGuffins managed to bring the tying run to the plate in the 9th inning, but it was all in vain.
Through four games, Joe Jackson leads the MacGuffins with a .500 batting average. Eddie Collins, meanwhile, has batted .333 and is 5-for-6 in stolen base attempts. The real star, however, has been Tris Speaker, who has put up a .429 batting average and an astounding .929 slugging percentage. Complete stats and updated standings can be found at:
January 27, 2002
The MacGuffins and Cream Citys squared off in an Opening Day doubleheader on Sunday, splitting the two contests. In Game 1, the much-hyped Pedro Martinez was rocked for 7 earned runs as the vaunted Creamers offense crushed four homers in a 7-3 victory. The MacGuffin attack was plagued by squandered opportunity, leaving a season-high 17 runners stranded on base.
In the nightcap, however, Ron Guidry's three-hit shutout led the way to an easy 6-0 victory for the MacGuffin men. Shoeless Joe Jackson reached base five times in the one-sided romp as the MacGuffins devoured Christy Mathewson. Expect more of the same all year, my friends.
MacGuffins’ Magic Number:
19
(Any combination of 19 MacGuffin victories and
Marvels losses clinches the pennant
for the MacGuffins.)
|
Edward T. Collins |
Tristram E. Speaker
|
TEAM OWNER W L PCT GB
MacGuffins Eric Enders 16 12 .571 ---
Mount Vision Marvels Bill Francis 7 6 .538 1.5
Boone Dawgs Dan Holmes 15 14 .517 1.5
Mobile Cottonmouths Bill Burdick 13 14 .481 2.5
Cream Citys Jeremy Jones 13 15 .464 3.0
Spongeworthy Clowns Rob Pendell 5 8 .385 3.5
Player G AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO SB CS AVG OBP SLG E
Alexander, G. 6 11
1 3 1 0 0 0
0 2 0 0 .273 .273 .364 0
Antonelli,
J. 6 11 1 1 0 0
1 1
0 6 0 0 .091 .091 .364 0
Bagwell,
J. 25 74 14 18 4 0 10 22
6 23
2 1 .243 .309 .703 3
Belle, A. 10 10
3 4 2 0 2 7 1 2 0 0
.400 .4551.200 0
Collins, E. 28 116 19 35
5 5 1 8 20 17 16 11
.302 .404 .457 2
Giambi, J. 19 37 7 9
2 0 2 5 12 12
0 0 .243 .440 .459 0
Gibson, B. 1 2
0 1 1 0 0 2
1 1 0 0 .500 .6671.000 0
Guidry, R. 7 21
0 1 0 0 0 2
0 11 0 0 .047 .047 .047 0
Hemus, S. 4 1 1 0 0 0 0 0
0 1 0 0 .000 .000 .000 0
Henry, B. 3 4 0 0 0 0 0 0
0 2 0 0 .000 .000 .000 0
Hoffman, T. 5 1
0 0 0 0 0 0
0 1 0 0 .000 .000 .000 0
Howe, S. 5
1 0 0 0 0
0 0 0 1 0 0 .000
.000 .000 0
Jackson, J. 24 83 15 24
5 2 0 19 10 15 11
4 .289 .372 .398 2
Jackson, M. 2 1 0
1 1 0 0 0 0 0
0 0 1.0001.0002.000 0
LeFlore, R. 8 0
0 0 0 0 0 0
0 0 3 1 .--- .--- .---
1
Lofton, K. 10 8 2
2 0 0 0 1 0 1
2 0 .250 .250 .250 0
Mantle, M. 28 101 20 23
2 1 4 13 25 26 5 2
.228 .381 .333 3
Martinez, P. 7 17 0 3 0 0 0
2 2 5 0 0 .176 .263 .176 0
Miñoso, M. 9 13 2
5 1 0 0 0 2 1 2 0 .385
.500 .462
0
O'Neill, S. 4 4 1
1 0 0 1 3
0 0 0 0 .250 .2501.000 0
Perritt, P. 10 5 0 0 0 0 0 0
0 2 0 0 .000 .000 .000 0
Robinson, J. 26 93 19 30
4 1 2 11 17 15 12 2
.323 .432 .452 6
Rodriguez, I. 28 103 19 32 8
2
8 24 10 20 1 0 .311 .372
.660 0
Snider, D. 10 27 2
2 1 0 0 0 2 8 0 0
.074 .194 .111 0
Speaker, T. 28 109 16 35 17 0 3 15 14 15 11
5 .321 .408 .560 0
Wagner, H. 28 99 12 26
4 3 1 16 14 17 12
3 .263 .365 .364 2
TEAM TOTALS 28 949 156 256 58 14 35 151 136 204 77 29 .270 .368 .471 18
Hit by pitch: Snider 2,
Speaker 2, Wagner 2, Jackson 1, Bagwell 1, Giambi 1, Miñoso
1, Robinson 1.
Sacrifice bunts: Guidry 7, Alexander 2, O'Neill 2, Antonelli 1,
Howe 1, Martinez 1, Robinson 1, Speaker 1, Perritt 1.
Passed balls: Rodriguez 3.
Catchers throwing:
Rodriguez 5 runners caught in 12 attempts (42%).
MacGUFFINS PITCHING
Player G IP H R ER BB K CG SHO HD SV/OP W-L ERA
Alexander, G. 6
31.3 46 28 27 19 25
1
0 0 0/0 3-2 7.76
Antonelli, J. 6 33.0 29 14 12 16 30 2 1 0 0/0
2-1 3.27
Gibson, B. 1 8.0 11
6 3 1 12 0 0 0 0/0
0-0 3.38
Guidry, R. 7 63.0 52 24 21 31 66
5
1 0 0/0 5-2 3.00
Henry, B. 3 13.0 9
4 4 3 11 0 0 0
1/1 1-1 2.77
Hoffman, T. 5 8.0 4
2 1 4 6 0 0 0
1/2 0-0 1.13
Howe, S. 5 6.0
5 1 1 1 1 0 0 0
2/2 2-0 1.50
Jackson, M. 2 3.0 0 0
0 1 4 0 0 0 0/0
1-0 0.00
Martinez, P. 7 55.7 43 29 27 21
69 3 0 0 0/0
0-4 4.37
Perritt, P. 10 28.0 20 11
9 13 8 0
0 0 0/0 2-2 2.89
TEAM TOTALS 28 254.0 219 119 105 109 232 11 2 0 4/5 16-11 3.72
OPPONENT LOCATION RESULT PITCHER of RECORD
Cream Citys Forbes Field L 3-7 Martinez (0-1)
Cream Citys Forbes Field* W 6-0 Guidry (1-0)
Boone Dawgs Forbes Field W 6-5 Jackson (1-0)
Boone Dawgs Astrodome L 3-5 Alexander (0-1)
Boone Dawgs Forbes Field L 4-5 Martinez (0-2)
Mobile Cottonmouths Forbes Field L 3-4 Guidry (1-1)
Mount Vision Marvels Yankee Stadium L 9-5 Antonelli (0-1)
Mount Vision Marvels Forbes Field W 9-5 Alexander (1-1)
Mobile Cottonmouths Coors Field L 0-6 Henry (0-1)
Mobile Cottonmouths Forbes Field W 6-5 Perritt (1-0)
Spongeworthy Clowns Polo Grounds W 6-5 Guidry (2-1)
Spongeworthy Clowns Forbes Field W 11-0 Antonelli (1-1)
Spongeworthy Clowns Polo Grounds L 4-7 Alexander (1-2)
Cream Citys County Stadium W 5-4 (10) Howe (1-0)
Cream Citys Forbes Field W 7-5 Guidry (3-1)
Boone Dawgs Astrodome W 6-1 Antonelli (2-1)
Boone Dawgs Forbes Field W 10-1 Alexander (2-2)
Boone Dawgs Astrodome L 5-6 (10) Perritt (1-1)
Cream Citys County Stadium W 5-2 Guidry (4-1)
Cream Citys Forbes Field W 5-3 (12) Howe (2-0)
Mobile Cottonmouths Coors Field W 9-7 Alexander (3-2)
Spongeworthy Clowns Forbes Field L 2-4 Martinez (0-3)
Boone Dawgs Astrodome L 5-4 (10) Guidry (4-2)
Boone Dawgs Forbes Field W 7-1 Henry (1-1)
Mount Vision Marvels Forbes Field W 10-4 Perritt (2-1)
Mount Vision Marvels Yankee Stadium L 1-3 (11) Martinez (0-4)
Mobile Cottonmouths Forbes Field W 8-3 Guidry (5-2)
Mobile Cottonmouths Coors Field L 6-7 Perritt (2-2)*home game for Cream Citys
POS NAME B/T TEAM HOMETOWN
C Ivan Rodriguez R Texas Rangers Manati, Puerto Rico
C Steve O'Neill R Cleveland Indians Minooka, PA
1B Jeff Bagwell R Houston Astros Boston, MA
1B Jason Giambi L Oakland Athletics West Covina, CA
2B Eddie Collins L Philadelphia A's Millerton, NY
3B Lars Thorwald L New York Giants New York, NY
SS Honus Wagner R Pittsburgh Pirates Carnegie, PA
OF Tris Speaker L Boston Red Sox Hubbard, TX
OF Joe Jackson L Chicago White Sox Greenville, SC
OF Mickey Mantle S New York Yankees Spavinaw, OK
OF Duke Snider L Brooklyn Dodgers Los Angeles, CA
OF Minnie Miñoso R Chicago White Sox Havana, Cuba
OF Ron LeFlore R Detroit Tigers Detroit, MI
OF Albert Belle R Cleveland Indians Shreveport, LA
OF Kenny Lofton L Cleveland Indians East Chicago, IN
UTIL Jackie Robinson R Brooklyn Dodgers Pasadena, CA
UTIL Solly Hemus L St. Louis Cardinals Phoenix, AZP Pedro Martinez R Boston Red Sox Santo Domingo, Dom. Rep.
P Ron Guidry L New York Yankees Lafayette, LA
P Bob Gibson R St. Louis Cardinals Omaha, NE
P Lefty Grove L Philadelphia A's Lonaconing, MD
P Butch Henry L Montreal Expos El Paso, TX
P Scotty Ferguson R San Francisco Giants San Juan Bautista, CA
P Steve Howe L New York Yankees Pontiac, MI
P Pol Perritt R New York Giants Arcadia, LA
P Mike Jackson R San Fran. Giants Houston, TX
P Trevor Hoffman R San Diego Padres Bellflower, CA
Fear the MacGuffin.
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